508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
