Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
