I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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