I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
