it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
