ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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