i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
