if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
