It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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