My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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