I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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