my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
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