when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
