happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I believe in your delicious
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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