I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
