Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
