so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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