Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
