Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
