Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
dude i'm inner monologue high
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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