i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
