i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
