Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
