mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
