haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
