i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
