sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
My feet surprised me
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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