Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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