4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
only if we run a train.
done.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
