Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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