i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
