Me. At least after what I've been through.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
