i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
