so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
