omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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