So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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