she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Randomize
