Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
