i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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