I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
