So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
and you said cock pushups were impossible
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
