Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
