I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
