How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
