I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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