you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
