she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
