You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
