Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
