Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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