Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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