Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
